If family time is tricky, then self-care is essential…

Easter – it’s another one of those times where we are expected to play happy families, oh and if yours isn’t, don’t make other people feel uncomfortable about the fact that this is not consensus reality.

So, what do you do if the reality for you is that being around family is tricky, or you have chosen to put some distance between you, or for any other reason whatsoever you do not have family to be with at this time.

Here’s a few tips to help you look after yourself at a time which can be quite triggering:

• • First tip – don’t buy into the stories that suggest if you don’t have a happy family, there is something wrong with you. Your reality is different and for some people they cannot imagine what that might be like – that’s a them problem, not a you problem. These are probably not the best people to be seeking support from on this matter.

• Recognise that you are likely to feel some grief about what you haven’t got – grieving people need TLC, not to be given a hard time for feeling big feelings.
• If you can, arrange to be in connection with a supportive other / others over the Easter weekend, so you can experience some care from others.
• If connection isn’t possible, or you’d rather be alone, make sure to include self-care activities in every day.

• Recognise that self-care and self-regulation are a necessity, so whether you have contact with others or not, make these a priority!

If you’re stuck for self-care ideas here’s a handy list of things to try:

• Cloud gazing – preferably outdoors, but even through a window can give us a sense of wellbeing and change our perspective.
• Spend time around trees – breathing in the chemicals that trees give off are linked to improvements in our mood and our immunity.
• Spend time near moving water – the air is different around moving water and breathing in this air has positive effects on our physical and mental wellbeing.
• Get out into the garden and plant up some bright bedding plants either in the ground or in containers.  There are certain elements contained within soil, which again have a direct impact on our health when we are exposed to them.
• Experiment with movement and music making – literally moving our bodies and making sound with our voices can help us to process through difficult emotions so whack on some of your favourite tunes and have a good old sing and a dance.
• Listen to music which helps put you in touch with positive feelings.
• Pick a new recipe and lovingly create yourself a delicious meal.
• Make yourself a tried and tested feel good meal.
• Wrap yourself up (warmth and feeling contained can be really regulating) and have some sofa time doing something you enjoy.
• Have a nice warm bath (again heat and containment)
• Or try the opposite and experiment with cold water dipping (not for everyone, but for some people this is really effective).
• Write a poem or a description of the view outside your window, or your favourite view (writing has been shown to markedly improve our health when dealing with difficult circumstances)
• Write a gratitude list – today what are ten things you are grateful for (remember sometimes the really simple things in life are what support us through tough times so your gratitude list doesn’t have to be full of spectacular things).
• Give yourself some compassion and permission to take time out. Maybe try talking to the part of you that is finding things difficult and tell them you understand.  Perhaps you could also try a self hug.
• Try heart breathing – stand with both feet planted hip width apart, close your eyes, as you breathe imagine simultaneously drawing energy up through the soles of your feet from the earth and down through the crown of your head from the sun directly into your heart space.  Hold the energy here as you hold your breath for a count of four, then visualise that heart infused energy washing out through your whole body and forming a protective bubble around you as you breathe out.
• Try a ten minute yoga routine – there are loads on YouTube (I love yoga with Adrienne if you want a place to start looking).
• Engage with your favourite crafting activity, or try a new one, or if you’ve never crafted before maybe now is a good time to try it out.
• Watch a nature documentary (even watching nature on TV can have an impact).
• Listen to some nature sounds (apparently just six minutes of birdsong can have a dramatic impact on your emotionally wellbeing. I also love brown noise as I find it really soothing).
• Create yourself a little oasis of sanctuary in your home. Think smells, textures, sounds, sights. Make it a safe and inviting space that you can retreat to when you are feeling wobbled (oh, and don’t forget the houseplants, it’s a good way to bring nature indoors on the days when you really don’t want to go out).

I hope you find some of these helpful.  If you’d like to have a chat about getting more support and whether or not we would be a good fit to work together, send me a message at rachel@ramblingpsychotherapist.co.uk.  Let’s book in some time to have a discovery call.