How on earth is it December already?

It would appear to be December…

It’s that time of year again when I start asking myself where on earth the year has gone to. I know I’m far from being alone in this experience, so I thought I’d talk about it here a little, just in case any of you can resonate.

I think it has become the new norm: to have so many expectations of us in terms of productivity and ticking off experiences from a never-ending to-do list, that we can never hope to get to the end of it all within the confines of twelve calendar months.

When I had this realisation a few years ago, I decided to start unhooking myself from the stories that were leaving me feeling overwhelmed and unsuccessful, and started setting new standards for myself that feel like they resonate better with who I am and how I want to live my life. This hasn’t, however, made me immune to the seduction of the societal stories around me that tell me I should want to be something different. It’s a very conscious and active process for me to resist getting pulled into those narratives.

You may or may not have noticed, but I have been exceptionally quiet online for the latter portion of this year, no newsletters, no blogs and quite a lot fewer social media posts than is my norm.

This is not necessarily how I planned for things to be. I knew I had a lot to achieve this year, so I went through the process of ensuring my goals and self-expectations were achievable. And I was on track for a while…

And then life… well, it lifed… and it did it hard.

Into the mix it threw delays to our plans to relocate, home break-ins, and navigating the terminal illness and death of a very dear person to me, which required me to temporarily shift my base of operations to a place over a hundred miles from where I currently live.

I had to reassess my expectations of myself as each new turn of events unfolded.

It has taken me a lot of years to come to the conclusion that I am not super-human, and that if life throws me curve-balls which demand my full attention, then my capacity to maintain ‘normal-life operations’ will be reduced, and something has to be let go of.

I think I managed this quite well this year. I have resourced myself every step of the way, ensuring that I put support structures around me and attended to my nervous system when the pressure started to become too much. I have taken regular breaks and maintained a kind and compassionate inner voice towards myself throughout the process.

And yet, right now, I can still hear the voice which would have liked to have ticked more off of that to-do list.

For a moment, I was tempted to be pissed off with that voice. It is very inconvenient to be feeling crappy about my achievements when life has been so tough recently.

However, I decided to give it some airtime to uncover the deeper message it is trying to convey.

And when I listened, it was telling me that I have a lot to grieve. Not that I am a failure, or a disappointment, or a waste of space. But that I am sad, and I have a lot to be sad about, alongside having things to celebrate too.

Life is still pulling at me to attend to what is happening around me in the immediate here and now. Our dream of relocation is finally coming to fruition, but that means all hands are now on deck with the practicalities of moving two shared lives and businesses over 150 miles and into a different country. So, I don’t feel I have the space to attend to the griefs at present, but I will need to make space for them once the fire-fighting has subsided. And I can make space for them in little moments when life allows me to take a breath.

Why am I telling you all of this?

I guess it’s my way of inviting you to examine the stories that you are measuring yourself up against, and to turn your compassion on yourself, too.

What is reasonable to expect of yourself? What have you been attending to? What do you have to let go of and to grieve? How will you resource yourself to manage to get through this last month of the year?

These are all very important questions in the journey of life, and not ones we are encouraged to pay attention to.

Okay, enough from me, you probably still have a lot to attend to right now.

If you have taken the time to read this, thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you are hearing my words.

I wish you an enjoyable festive period and a happy New Year when it comes.

I will be picking up the thread of the Mother’s Love blog again at some point next year, but currently I’m not putting myself under pressure to say when that will be.  If you want to know when the next one comes out, you can sign up to the newsletter here and you’ll be the first to know when the next installment is live.

Warmest wishes

Rachel

P.S. For those of you who are interested, the view up above is one of the places where I plan to spend some healing time in the coming weeks. A little peek into things to come for my therapy practice, too.